Remember back in pre-school and kindergarten when the people always asked, "So little kid, what do you want to be when you grow up?"
My brother wanted to be a trashman. Unfortunately for him, he got his masters in accounting or something business-like so he no longer really qualifies to be a trashman. Now he's even probably going back to get his PhD. That guy is crazy.
I went through phases. I think for awhile I wanted to be a doctor, then a teacher, and I also went through a secretary phase. There were probably more.
These phases continued in college too. I started out college majoring in business, mostly because that's what Ryan did, and I always secretly wanted to be like him. He played baseball and soccer and basketball, so I did too. He loved Duke, I did too. He hated New Kids on the Block, I did too. I don't know why I wanted to be like someone who tended to be really mean to me and even beat me up occassionally. I was probably just trying to avoid further attacks.
But it only took about a semester before I was changing my major again. This time I decided that I should go for a film major after all those quality movies we made in middle school and high school. Some of the classics include A Pathway Home, the Alzheimers video (oh gosh that's awful), Hunchback of Notre Dame (ask the Gar-man about that one, it's one of his favorite stories), The Bottle Family, that weird workout video (that should never be seen again), Jerry Springer, Gimps Can Do Anything (unfortunately was lost somehow), and the greatest one of course, the scary movie "No Treats for You Here." Oh man, those were the days.
The film major idea also didn't last long after I found out it was mostly film history classes. Boring. So somewhere during freshman year I decided I would combine two of my loves, movie-making and sports, and strive to work for ESPN. Yeah right. At that point I started my journalism track, planning to also minor in film. Somewhere along the line though I dropped film, picked up Spanish as a second major, and then dropped Spanish as well.
I realize though that this is pretty normal for a college student. The problem for me was that I graduated in December of 2005 with a degree in Journalism and no interest in being a journalist. Sweet.
I'm 24 now. Since I graduated, I've lived in four different places and had four or five different jobs. It hasn't even been a year. And I still have no idea how to answer the question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Lately the question has creeped up in my mind a lot.
A couple times stick out to me that sent me into panic-mode a little bit. Over the summer when we were getting to know people at camp, someone asked me what my passions were. I had no idea what to say. I still don't really. Then just the other day at church, Mark was speaking and at the end had everyone write down on a piece of paper any one thing they would want to do in their lives. Again, I drew a blank. Two days later at church again we had a speaker who asked the kids, "What are your goals?" They all have better goals than I do.
I like what I'm doing now, but I probably won't live at the Wysockis and work at church for no pay and be a nanny for the rest of my life. Especially the nanny part.
Side note: In good news, my substitute license has finally arrived and I'm on my way to start subbing in January. Holla.
I just have no idea what I want to do with my life. I could make a mile-long list of things I DON'T want to do, that's easy. Do I just not like a lot of things?
I had a revelation the other day though. Maybe one of my problems is that I'm just restless. For example, I loved New Orleans, but after my two and a half months, I was DONE. Camp is sweet, but it's only in the summer. Going to Chile was a good experience, but I don't think I could do it longer that six weeks and still enjoy it. However, society (as well as Gary and Melanie Tate) tells me that you can't just have part-time jobs and move around for your whole life. Maybe they're right.
Here's the thing though. I have no regrets so far about what I've done with life. Why? Because I'm just going where God wants me, and that's why all those experiences have been incredible. So while I may have no idea where I'll be in six months, God knows, so it will be sweet.
But I do need to figure out what I like, not just what I don't like. If you have any insight on my life that I'm missing, you just let me know.
I just don't want to grow up.
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somewhere in the middle...
and after (from the opposite side)...
